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I wish I knew how to achieve a state of serenity and self-reflection. It would be nice. I was just talking to my daughter about that. Is it even attainable? I would particularly like to know how to experience yuan bei (Chinese) – a sense of complete and perfect accomplishment even while dealing with inhibiting rejection.

Does it have to do with having a “thick skin” or immunity? Recently, I had an allergic reaction to unfair treatment. Literally. A client disregarded my effort and in the process of passionately defending my point of view, I grew more and more aware of the swelling around my eyes. In a couple of hours, as anxiety subsided, the inflammation almost went away. But it flared up again while I was drafting a follow-up email stating my firm position.

The work that I lovingly created was called “useless.” Needless to say, it was urgent to convince myself that their crude value judgment had nothing to do with my competence. Painfully stressful, but I had to make my case in order to retain a sense of integrity. As if it were me who behaved unethically and disrespectfully.

My assessment of the case with exhibits was flat out ignored. Thus, in the course of a few days, I kept editing and polishing a follow-up letter, making sure that it is overwhelmingly convincing. Hmm… I might’ve been practicing self-reflection.

So, the question I’m grappling with is how to achieve a state of serenity and self-reflection in the midst of being judged unfavorably…

Should I sign-up for a class? To get to the bottom of it, I am willing to broaden my vocabulary. Conceivably, it will lead to a richer and more nuanced understanding of human emotions.

Would it work if I desenrascanço (Portuguese) – to artfully disentangle from a troublesome situation? Will it help me attain sukha (Sanskrit) – genuine lasting happiness independent of circumstances?

achieve, serenity, self-reflection

In the situation with the ungrateful client, I regained a sense of control only after a healthy dose of spilling my guts. Apparently, the trick is to completely convince myself. That’s actually easier than disarming an “opponent” with my own version of reality. All of us have a different interpretation.

Clearly, a forceful verbal retaliation benefited me; it was empowering. As if it were a process of repairing serenity. It released the grip of insecurity. Defending my own perspective with conviction allowed me to let go of crippling self-doubt.

But why would I have to prove anything to myself? I should be much more self-assured, right? Well. Upon restoring justice, in my mind’s eye, I am in the position to ponder the questions again. One of them is how to achieve the state of serenity and self-reflection. Possibly, it’s about embracing individualism.

Maybe it’s about courageously fortifying self-esteem. In order to shield myself from negativity (and mindfully master allergic reactions), I have to strengthen and tone self-confidence. As if it were a muscle. Thus, if my daughter asks me how to achieve a state of serenity and self-reflection — a way to consciously preserve and guard the state of inner peace — my reply would be to nurture a sense of self-worth or self-love.


  • Mia S Kazovsky
    July 18, 2017

    I LOVE this post. Honest, vulnerable, and something I deal with/am dealing with too. Nurturing self-love is the ultimate answer. What should someone else’s opinion matter (not to mention a person who has NO IDEA what they are talking about) when at the end of the day you love and respect yourself. If you are doing your true best, working on yourself then you truly don’t need anyone else’s validation. Easier said than done, but something to work towards and strive for. Thank you, Mama

  • Mia S Kazovsky
    July 18, 2017

    P.S. You are, in my humble opinion, the best architect and mother in the world! So there.

    • Alla DIY Ally
      July 20, 2017

      Well. I am sure you can imagine my facial expression right now. Thank you for this. It makes my day, week, month, etc.

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